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Before we moved to Japan, we had T-Mobile. They were an OK company then and I was mostly happy with them. Obviously, when we moved, we cancelled or service with them. When we moved back 3 years later, we got T-Mobile again. We stayed with them for 2 years before finally being bitten by the iPhone bug and moving on to AT&T. After 2 years of rollercoaster bills and crap customer service, we decided to move BACK to T-Mobile.

As a military family, we move quite a bit. Our credit has taken a bit of a beating for it- especially during our time overseas (frankly, after how long this recession has dragged on, it’s a wonder anyone has decent credit). When we began my contract in January, as expected, I was placed on a Flexpay account. A Flexpay account is one where you pay for your monthly service ahead of time. We were told after 6 months, if we paid on time and were good little minions, we could be converted to a regular account. I don’t really have an issue with being on a Flexpay account. I like that there are no surprises at the end of the month. I have always paid on time and I have been satisfied with my very basic service- we own 2 non-smartphones and have a plan with talking and texting and nothing else. I’d love to have a smartphone again, but, frankly, it’s just not in the budget.

A few days ago, my mother told me that her Blackberry died, so she called T-Mobile and they offered her 2 new Blackberries and a better deal on monthly services. I went to the website and saw this:

Unlimited Deals!

and this:

Slightly Less Unlimited Deals!

Wow, we could save $40 just by switching to the 1,000 minute Talk + Text plan!

That’s awesome!

So, I call. As soon as the representative saw we were on a Flexpay plan, her cheerful demeanor went away. She wanted nothing to do with working with me or helping me.

It went something like this:

What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?

After arguing with her for a while about wanting this plan and her insisting I could not have it, I asked to speak to a supervisor. She put me off. I asked again. No dice. Finally, I demanded it and she insisted he was busy. I was angry at this point and told her to tell her supervisor to call me, which, unsurprisingly, did not happen. I ended up sending an email to every single email address I could find for T-Mobile because I knew if I got on the phone, I would start screaming at someone. I didn’t wake up to a single response or call.

I decided to try again today. I started off by contacting T-Mobile on Twitter, which I actually got a response to.

Seems pretty straightforward. I can do this.

So, I hopped on my phone and dialed 611. I start off by speaking to a rep, then a supervisor, then a manager. Oh, “Jake M” (badge #116812658), you and I had a great time on the phone, didn’t we? He started off first by telling me the same thing every other rep had: that, no, I could not get in on the lower rate because I had Flexpay. This makes no sense to me- I pay my bill the same as anyone else, in fact, I pay it before the fact- and I asked why. No one has an answer for me. No, you can’t have a better rate, but we have no clue why you can’t have a better rate! After this lovely and non-informative exchange with “Jake M” (I still sincerely doubt this is his real name and badge number considering he had to look up his badge number), he said, “I don’t know why you escalated this call to me. This could have easily been handled by a representative or supervisor. It’s a waste of time.” Well, jackass, I’m calling you because the T-Mobile Twitter gods TOLD ME TO. I told him as much, informed him I would be writing an appropriate letter, and ended the call.

Well, T-Mobile today has been fun (and challenging!). I’ve enjoyed our time together. We’ve had our good times and our bad. I’ll never forget the time you sold me an LG flip phone. Or when you made me fax over our orders to Japan. Or when you ignored my emails. But, now, I’m done with you. I need more. I need people who treat me like a human. I can’t believe I’m about to pay a disconnection fee to do it, but I am. It’s been real. It’s been fun. But it hasn’t been real fun. One more week and I’m moving on. It’s not you, it’s…no, wait, it’s totally you.