I'm generally a pretty go-with-the-flow kind of girl. I live by the mantra that life turns out the way it's meant to. You can change it some with poor or good choices, but all in all, your life turns out the way it was destined to be.

When I graduated high school, I attended The University of Montevallo for two years. I majored in deaf education, thinking that was what I was meant to do, but if I'm completely honest, my heart wasn't in it. And if I'm utterly, completely honest, I have zero desire to teach (sorry, Mom). I married Mike in 2001 and, like I said in my last post, I've been a housewife and stay-at-home-mom ever since.

Frankly, I love staying. I love staying home and taking care of our home and cooking meals and crafting and such. It thrills my soul. I know plenty of women who think staying home is tantamount to water-boarding and, yeah, sure, it has it's days, but all in all, I love staying home. It makes me happy and it's all I ever planned on doing.

<<And, yes, as I'm typing this, I hear your screams, oh, hardcore feminists- but isn't part of feminism being free to make a choice? Your own choice? My husband has always encouraged me in all of my endeavors. Even things he finds "silly" and "old-fashioned", like spinning yarn, because he knows it makes me happy. He loves me just the way I am, while still encouraging me to grow.>>

But now my life *has* changed. We're starting a new chapter in our lives. I'm all for getting out of the military and Mike going back to school. I'm even for turning our lives upside down and getting help from family to make it happen. I think it's wonderful. And everyone is telling me I should take this opportunity to go back to school and do something.

But wait.

I like my life. I want to stay home and take care of my family and cook dinner and spin yarn and knit and be as creative as I want (or don't want) to be. I suddenly don't like this. I don't want to go back to school. And what's this "do something" nonsense? I was doing something! And I liked it! Now what? 

I'm wrestling with the idea of going back to school. With Mike being a "disabled vet" (I use the term loosely, but, in all honesty, Uncle Sam has him down as one), I would qualify for scholarships and grants, which is great. So why do I feel no desire whatsoever to go back to school? I've weighed options and I feel…nothing pulling me into going back to school. I don't want to do this. I want to stay the person I am.

If my beloved husband can love me just the way I am, while still encouraging me to grow, why can I not do the same for myself?

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