As they always say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Mike regularly tells me he wouldn't have to diet so much for the military if it weren't for me. The military just doesn't appreciate my cooking.

I cook for men. I don't make many dainty girly things. I make MAN FOOD. The stick-to-your-ribs stuff that I can only manage a few bites of.

Today, we're talking about Epic Man Sammiches and Epic Brownies. If you're not married, just make these and wait on your ring. It'll soon follow.




Wait, you probably can't see that well enough. Let's turn on SUPER BACON ZOOM.


You'll need:

Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts
A package of thick-cut bacon (3-ish slices per breast)
Sliced Pepper Cheese<
Garlic Powder (optional)
Kaiser Rolls (one for each chicken breast)
Deli Mustard (I like Grey Poupon)
Parchment Paper or Wax Paper
A meat mallet or heavy rolling pin

Start off by heating an iron skillet on medium heat. Cook your bacon to your desired crispiness and drain on a few paper towels. RESERVE YOUR GREASE. You can either turn off your skillet now or just leave it on, we'll be coming back to it in a minute.

After your bacon is cooked, place one chicken breast, seasoned with salt, pepper, and garlic powder ON BOTH SIDES, between 2 fairly generous pieces of parchment paper. Grab the mallet and whack the crap out of that chicken. I flattened mine to about 1/4 of an inch. Continue until you have finished flattening all the chicken.

If you turned the heat off your skillet, turn it back on.

Un-parchment one side of your chicken, and slice it about halfway through, width-wise, in the middle, so you can fold the breast in half. Place 2 tablespoons of the reserved bacon grease in your skillet, allow it to heat, and slap the chicken down. Cook the chicken thoroughly. When it's done cooking, sandwich 3 strips of bacon between 2 pieces of cheese, place on one half of the cooked breast and fold in half, so the cheese and bacon is sandwiched in the chicken breast. allow the cheese on one side to melt, flip the breast over, and continue cooking until the cheese is all melted.

Put a bit of deli mustard on 1/2 of the kaiser roll (you can toast it if you want) and place the chicken breast on the roll. Viola!

Follow with:

Epic Brownies



You'll Need:

4 eggs
1 1/2 cup sugar
2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup
butter, melted
1 cup Ghirardelli Sweet Ground Chocolate and Cocoa

1 1/3 cup unsifted flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
teaspoon salt
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 1/2 cup chocolate chips of your choosing- I use a mix of milk, dark, and white.

Optional: 1 bag Kraft Caramel Bits

OK, let's just be honest here, I can't taste much difference between Ghirardelli brownie mix if doctored up and the actual recipe, so if my grocery store has the brownie mix on sale, I have been known to just buy and use it instead of spending a fortune and killing myself to make brownies. If you do this, just use 2 mixes, use milk in lieu of water, and melted butter in lieu of the oil. Follow all the other directions, and add walnuts and chocolate chips and optional caramels.

Stir eggs with sugar and vanilla, add butter. Sift the ground chocolate with the flour, baking powder, and salt. Stir in egg mixture, add nuts and chocolate chips.

Spread into greased 9×13 pan. Bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. If you wish to add the optional caramel bits, about 5 minutes before it is done, pour them over the top and allow the brownies to continue cooking. Remove and top with ganache.

Chocolate Ganache from Bakerella:

3/4 cup heavy cream
6 tablespoons butter
12 ounces chocolate chips

Pour chocolate chips in a large bowl and set aside. In a small saucepan, heat cream and butter to just before boiling stage. Pour over the chocolate chips, allow to sit for 20 seconds, stir until smooth. Pour over brownies and allow to set overnight. I normally wait until the ganache cools completely and then place them in the fridge.

Serve, receive praise, wait for your ring/bauble worthy of your awesomeness.