Hello, blog, it has been a while. Nearly 3 months ago, I wrote about us getting out of the military and how my emotions ranged from excitement to despair. Since this could get rather long and wordy, I’ll knock this out in bullets.
In the past few months, we have:
- Moved to Florida (and in with my parents)
- Had Christmas
- Realized Florida wasn’t right for our future wants.
- Rented a u-Haul
- Relocated to Alabama (and in with my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law)
- Registered Mike and Seamus for school
- Paid off our car (yay!)
- Went to Mardi Gras.
- Bought Mike a motorcycle (with proper gear and classes) to free up the car more so I could get a job.
- Took care of my husband’s grandmother.
- Got myself a job with The Deathstar, AT&T
- With the support of my husband, quit that job two days later when I realized I was never going to see my child and that I could not handle it.
- Got judged by a lot of people for a lot of my decisions.
- Did what I felt was right, anyway.
- Kept looking for a job. (rinse and repeat x ∞)
- Kept trudging along.
- Breathed some more.
- Tried to smile my way through all this.
- Probably failed at that last bullet, but kept trying, anyway.
Let me tell you something about the economy out here: it is HARD. I look terrible on paper. I haven’t had a job in 10 years and I never finished college. The former makes me an undesirable candidate for most jobs, the latter means I’m going straight to the trash bin. I have received exactly 2 callbacks. I interviewed for one and got a thanks, but no thanks email 2 weeks later and the other I interviewed for, felt confident about, and never got called back. Very disappointing. I got a job with The Deathstar only because I had the perquisite year of telephone customer service experience (and they were desperate). After I started working there, I started having panic attacks about not seeing my child- and I mean that literally. I worked from 3pm until 11:30pm. By the time he got home, I was gone and when he got up, I was dead asleep. I couldn’t handle it. I tried to change shifts, but when push came to shove, I walked away. Mike was fully supportive. I’m still looking for a new job.
I wrote a few months back about the people who surprise you during a crisis- how some people you would expect to be there completely pack up and leave and how others you wouldn’t expect are the ones who are really there. I’m in the midst of my own personal crisis and the people who have sat back and listened to me have truly shocked me. And to the ones who abandoned me or judged me: shame on you. I have always tried to be there for the people I love when their life was going badly. But to completely ignore me or, worse, judge me? That just plain hurts. Shame on you for kicking me when I’m down.
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.
Assholes aside, we’re fine. Our life isn’t settled yet and we’re still struggling from time to time, but it will get better. I know that (even if there are days I don’t really believe it).
Seamus is doing wonderful. Despite Mobile being a huge city, he’s in a surprisingly small school (there are 13 kids in his class!) and doing well. His reading is flourishing and he has made a few friends. He seems to like it, which I am happy about.
Mike starts school March 13 and is majoring in what he has always wanted to do. For now, he’s practicing riding his motorcycle (a lot) and spending time with me before he starts school.
And as for me: I’m doing well, too. I’m glad to be back in the land of too much makeup and too much rain. While I’m still more likely to dodge someone I know in Wal-Mart rather than run up to them, I’m getting used to be being back here.
And that’s it. For now.